The Marilyn Monroe of the seventh circle of hell, Helena sold her soul to the devil and hasn’t regretted a day since.

Hell isn’t as bad as it’s made out to be. (You know what TripAdvisor reviews are like.) Warm, spacious, good live music scene. To Helena it was a nice change of pace.

She had grown up in a tiny village where the top export was mud and the chief pasttime was arguing over who had the best rock. Escape was all she dreamed of. When the devil stopped by on an unscheduled layover, this ambitious young go-getter saw her chance. She kissed her family goodbye, promised to write and offered her soul up on a silver platter. (OK, on a particularly good rock).

The millennia since then have been one long party. They say that gentlemen prefer blondes, but so do the damned, and Helena loves to spread her wings and meet new people. There’s also been a fair amount of torture… but you can get used to anything, and at least it’s never dull. Not with [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] along for the ride. (Hell is a celeb-spotter’s heaven!)

Recently though, Helena has been feeling like it might be time to grow up and settle down. After all, she’s almost 3000. All she wants is a little place of her own, and she’s got her eye on somewhere: Earth.

It’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but aren’t we all? Once the Great Architect makes her Earth’s supreme ruler she’s going to give the place a good spring clean. Maybe start a couple of fires, get some screaming on the go: you know, make it homey.

It won’t be easy, but if raising a little hell is what it takes to get on the cosmic property ladder, this demon’s up to the challenge.

So comes Helena to the Island.